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Welcome to the deep, dark & crazy world that is my imagination
If u land on your feet, I hope u find a way to make it back to me 
12th-Jun-2005 08:45 pm
Grave Lying
*waves* I feel like such an uninteresting person lately. Not that there hasn't been anything happening, sure there has. Not that I haven't been thinking because certainly I have. Not that my obsessions are lacking, possibly they're worse than they already were. But for some reason I feel bland. For some reason the only thing I can think of is that my buddies are coming soon, and the only thing I can feel is my body breaking down (the ankle problem, the enduring wrist pain, the fact I can't keep awake anymore).

I went out to dinner with my friends last night. It's the new monthly thing that I had to boot them up the butt about getting organised on Friday morning. It's not like it was my choice to make this a regular event, believe me I don't mind at all staying home chatting to my buddies & writing instead, so it's just slightly annoying that everything fell back on me to get organised. I'm definately in the "I don't care one way or the other" mode now. And strangely enough I went back into the, um, maybe for a better term "shy" mode yesterday not wanting to go out and leave my buddies, feeling sick at the thought of having to socialise again. I mean, one of my friends I've known for a good 12 years, how can it be that I can be so scared of having a conversation with her? I really hate myself sometimes, that I can have this fallable part of me that refuses to co-operate, that can make me feel so physically ill about the simplest of things, and that it just doesn't permanently go away - it stays, its changeable, and I can never tell anyone whether its going to be there or not, I just have to wait and see myself. I'm impressed that my life has improved enough for me to get a handle on it and on few occasions have rambleness instead, but to have something like that come back hourly or daily makes me feel like I'm being fake when I talk too much or something. Like its not the real me. And I always warn people, and I'm not being fake when I ramble, it is actually me, and its nice to be listened to, understood and appreciated, but it just doesn't happen for me all the time. Maybe I've been burnt too many times before, I don't know.

Anyway, dinner, was fun. Actually got to share some knowledge on X-Men news, so weird :o Didn't think I'd actually be an information source. Everyone ordered entrees, so my meal got downsized to one too LOL Guess didn't help I was asking for a main size of an entree meal. And both Hue's and mine looked like they'd just got out a meat pattie and lumped stuff on top. Seriously, description of my meal was two-three lines long - they could have fit it into 5 words. Sooo sad. And cause Jen over-ordered (and underate as pretty usual for her), she told me to steal some food off her plate - firstly cause we both were deciding between the two meals we'd ordered - she got one, I got the other; and secondly cause she was convinced they hadn't fed me enough, so I dug into some of her spicy gnocchi and boy did she feel like she achieved something having me take food from her. Um, I'm not sure how to describe it exactly, but since I have a whole list of judgemental wrongs on my list (even if I think its okay someone does something to me) I just won't do it. Taking food from someone else is one. Can't say whether that's considered a pride thing or not, but I do feel weird and awkward and wrong if I do it. And I was still surprisingly slightly hungry, so we checked out the dessert menu which was all unappealing and expensive anyway. I mean, hey, I had to pay $4.50 for water (yes, it's "special" water) and, um, here's a little quirk with me - I HATE Lemon being put in it, it makes it taste foul, and so I flat refuse the offer of mineral water, and still I had lemon brought out so the moment he turned his back after pouring the water, I fished out the lemon and threw it into the garden behind me. Must say, the biggest plus for the fact we had not booked was being shoved outside (not inside the warm building) into the cold wind with a heater that barely worked. But, u know, had a garden, right where I sat, and I was feeding it (a) LOL So back to the hungriness. While I went in search of the toilets in the neverending corridor (I swear it went back a block or two :S), Hue decided to call a friend to come hang with us, so I was utterly confused over what was going on. But we went in search of icecream, finally found the place and it was absolutely packed (weird, huh? Considering it's WINTER and freezing cold and windy, it was more packed than the restaurants :S), so we just went strolling up the street until her friend arrived and suggested we go to Double Bay in her car. I was like no, no way... basically I was incredibly paranoid about my car. I parked it on top of Westfields, only one way in and out, and there were guards there and the cinema is now closed so I had no idea what time they'd close down the carpark on us. And no freaking way was I going to abandon my car halfway between the city and my place, that's just not right. So after 10 mins of convincing, and eventually Jen getting on board with me, we managed to leave Hue with her friend and go save my car. Jen wanted to do something still, so we decided on having a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers/Charmed marathon (ok the latter fell away cause I was too tired). So we came back to my place to collect a double episode tape (episode 11 & 12 from first season) and the first movie (didn't realise Billy wasn't in the second :o That's so wrong!). So we were sitting there during the episode one commenting on the lack of acting skill (and script according to Jen haha) and saying how much they'd improved over the seasons, so they were a lot better during the film. Tommy, Billy and Adam, definately my favourites *nods* and Trini back in the early days. Kimberly got better, so she was more likeable after the first couple of seasons, and I had to smack Jen for fastforwarding the Tommy/Kimberly action. She was all "blah!" cause it was a lovey dovey scene, but hey I think they were cute together *nods* So didn't want no fastforwarding. Again, watching MMPR reminded me of the saying I thought up a little while ago that "Everything I learned, I learned from watching Power Rangers" hehe. I can absolutely see things that have just stuck in my head, things I've used in my writing, and it's all very cool. There are little things I'm thankful for in my life, and that is one of them.

Okay so tiredness abounding, was yawning thru the 2nd half of the film and Jen allowed sleepy little me to drive home, and I decided to park myself behind my computer cause I promised Mel I would be on. And I sat there for I think two hours battling a worsening headache that had me ready to smash my head thru the monitor cause it just wouldn't go away. I think I updated Bianca in LJ in that time :S Can't remember. I did IDBT earlier so I didn't have to touch that, just read Melly's update. So really I was fighting myself that whole time between needing to go to bed and wanting to chat to Mel cause things just haven't worked out right for anyone over the past few days. And this morning mum & I decided to do the trial run to the airport so I knew where I was going, so I grabbed my new Lifehouse CD and threw it in the car and we took off to the airport. That was a bad choice of song selection cause apparently I was still in my low mood (the one I'd not completely recovered from last night), and so I almost started crying listening to the songs and thinking about picking Melly up from the airport. It was the first time I'd actually thought I'd cry when she came, and it was cause I was grateful that she was here. I'm sure I'll probably cry when everyone leaves *nods* That's gonna be terrible. But, u know, we got further into the album away from the cryable songs so I didn't spill tears, and I made my little journey and found where I had to go, and got really hungry and blinded by the sun. So we had lunch at Maccas and I put the sunnies on and drove home, my wrists ended up getting sore (dammit) and it was only when we got about 20 mins away that that stupid tiredness I keep getting hit me, and there was about 5 seconds there I actually slipped off, thankfully didn't crash into anyone going 100 KM/h in the middle lane, and I got home ok. I put myself straight to bed though and slept for about two hours before Russ got me up cause mum had cooked soup for dinner. Then I made my way over here on the net, took a few quizzes, did B's LJ again, and now I'm here :D

So that's it for my day. Quizness follows:


You scored as Unipolar Depression. Congraulations! You are depressed! You know just how it feels to bear all the world's burdens, and the value of a 19-hour night's sleep. And you really hate that circle-guy thing on your Zoloft pill packets.

</td>

Unipolar Depression

92%

Borderline Personality Disorder

67%

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

58%

Antisocial Personality Disorder

50%

Schizophrenia

25%

Eating Disorders

17%

Which mental disorder do you have?
created with QuizFarm.com


Ah so I'm depressed, not crazy *nods* Good to know hehe.

You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).

Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.

</td>

agnosticism

88%

Christianity

71%

Buddhism

71%

Hinduism

58%

Satanism

58%

Islam

50%

Judaism

42%

Paganism

29%

atheism

17%

Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com


OK had to get a dictionary out to explain this one *blush* And I think it's highly possible that the very word I used to describe me (which I can't remember now so don't ask :p) is not featured in this quiz. Yes, I believe in God, I believe in a higher power, hence why atheism is at the bottom of my list. I know the explanation here ties the top & the bottom which is why I needed my dictionary, to seperate the two hehe. Okay so what they're really getting at here is that to me I can't believe unless something has been proved, which is why they tie that to the non-belief thing. With me, I have my own theory that there is a reason behind everything, and so I try to factor everything that's available into it. So um, yeah I think all religions are valid and that there has to be a common thread that runs from one to the other to prove the existence of God. Only thing is I'm incredibly uninformed and lost and only have learnt a bit about the Christian thing. But there is a word for the universal belief of everything. It's just not in this quiz, nor in my memory. *shrug* Something else not in here (which I thought was from the questions LOL) is Scientology. Mari's an avid supporter of that, and yeah it's got my interest peaked, but I haven't looked into it. As I said, I kind of believe in everything, so don't try to pin me down to one religion or another ;) U can see by my above results how much belief I have in each aspect of that religion.

You scored as Crying Eye. You are the crying eye. You are very sad and look on the negative side of things. Crying seems to be a natural state.

</td>

Crying Eye

90%

Hurt Eye

70%

Starry Eye

60%

Angry Eye

50%

Dramatic Eye

30%

Sexy Eye

30%

What eye are you (Beautiful Pics)
created with QuizFarm.com


Um, again with the crying, well I think by now it's self-explanatory.

You scored as Verge of insanity. You are on the verge of insanity! that is halfway to the preferred status, but halfway towards the dissaproved status

</td>

Verge of insanity

63%

King/Queen of Crazy

58%

Normal

53%

How Crazy are you?
created with QuizFarm.com


hehe *crazy mad laugh* Well I guess erm... normality is at the bottom LOL So you know I'm not normal (or, hmm, sane if u want to look at it that way). I know I'm not normal. Jen & I had that discussion last night, we're both not, and she pronounced herself mad and me weird. I think she thought she had offended me LOL but I was just uber-surprised cause it was something I knew that I had never heard her voice. Very weird. Oh, and *bounce* they liked my straight hair (went to the hairdresser yesterday and got it redone, and she blow-dried it straight nicely with a straight part, looked good :D) so Jen was calling me Kylie Minogue all night, and Hue was saying she was wondering who this sexy spunk-rat was that had shown up LOL *blush*

You scored as Emo. Your a little emo kid! You like to cry and let out your emotions. You listen to bands like My Chemical Romance, The Used, Dead Poetic, and Silverstein. You completely love tight pants and tight shirts.

</td>

Emo

83%

Classic Rock

67%

Pop

63%

Metal

46%

Rap/Hip-Hop

46%

Punk

38%

Which genre of music fits you
created with QuizFarm.com


Erm...... sure *shrugs* Can't say I am a devout fan of those bands, I do like songs with emotion and stuff, but I am a rock girl *nods*

You scored as Snow White. You are Snow White!

</td>

Snow White

90%

Sleeping Beauty

83%

Cinderella

70%

Belle

60%

Mulan

57%

Jasmine

44%

Ariel

43%

Pocahontas

43%

Which Disney Princess Are You Most Like? (thorough!)
created with QuizFarm.com


Aww... okay so my top 3 faves are the top 3 *nods* And I think I always used to love Snow White, got dressed up as Cinderella, but nowadays by fave is Sleeping Beauty *hugz* Cause I think I am she *nods* Want a fairytale like that, where one day my true love is just going to come along and wake me up because I've been so naieve and been subjected to someone else's cruelty for so long that I just don't know where my honourable prince is in his faraway land, and he has to come find me and make me realise we can live happily ever after *nods* Or something like that :S LOL. Thinking badly now *blush*

The Lost Soul
The Lost Soul


What sign of the Black Zodiac are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

*claps* I'm doomed *grin* LOL. Okay, um, so yeah I do do the self-blaming thing, mostly because certain other people have a habit of blaming me for things that aren't my fault as well. Is it any wonder I was under the impression for so long that I'd killed my grandmother? :( So, um, not going back into that, but nice to know I was sacrificed because of it. And I had a peekaboo at all the answers, and :o they're the characters in 13 Ghosts (one of the scariest movies I've ever seen, even the music on the main menu of the DVD scares the beejeebers out of me). So that was pretty cool and, um, possibly I think I'm the mother *thinks* may have to watch it again.


:o Mum told me my cousins are gonna set me up with Michael (not bank Michael, Best Man at the wedding Michael) cause he broke up with his girlfriend. :S K he was kinda cute, but I don't think I have anything in common with him, do I? And where is this sudden interest everyone has that I have to be attached coming from? Hrmm... *wants a simple solution*
Comments 
12th-Jun-2005 01:24 pm (UTC) - (A)
:( Boo, you should have gone to bed and not accepted the songs! Thats all I wanted to say 'cause I feel so mean about keeping you up so late. :'(
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