Julie (decadentdream) wrote,

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Breathe, just breathe

I don't know why I do this to myself. I don't even know how to explain it, just to go from being so high one minute to so low the next. I've taken up a fascination with "Brick" again after hearing it on the radio for the 2nd time in a short period of time, and was singing it most of the afternoon (when I wasn't on my Black Lab kick). Possibly I think I have cried at that tune before. I know I used to have a great love of playing it on piano (or rather keyboard), it's one of the ones I was able to work out easily.

I want to write something for B, but of course I'm leaving myself very little time to do so. I dunno, just feeling sucky atm. Can't even write a proper update here concisely, or be bothered to. And I feel like I'm just gonna keep repeating this song until I make myself cry or something. :(

So I had a wonderfully uninterrupted dream guest starring our boy Drew last night. There was a convention going on... somewhere. Don't ask me where, I don't recognise the street or anything :S I just remember reading the bill posters (or big black chalkboard as it appeared to be) on the side of a building that said Brian Krause had been at the convention yesterday talking about his new baby daughter (I thought it was Holly until I read up and saw the name :S ) and there were two dates for Drew (which we wouldn't be able to attend - I think that was the drama, we were doing something else) and, um, possibly it was Victor joining him :S Was someone whose name I'm not overly familiar with. So of course I was excited and wanted to tell the girls who apparently I was still showing around Sydney, and so I was trying to send Mel a message on this huge phone (appeared to be like I was typing a message into the back of a digital camera :S) but while I was typing this guy I was with kept distracting me until I got the better of him and he left to get changed (*shrug* dunno why he had to change all his clothes LOL Was weirdness) and, um, must have been when he came back (I don't think I got the message to Mel) that Drew passed us by, still with his shaved head. I'm surprised I did recognise him actually LOL. Not sure why I didn't dream him with the longer hair, but hey I guess I'm just being recent. So I was actually going to let him keep going without being disturbed, but changed my mind and called out to him, and then went up and had a conversation with him (quite reminiscent of the one I had with Darren Hayes a few years ago, small talk and nothing important). I remember putting down my phone/camera/half gift-wrapped present on the ground, and thinking Drew would presume this guy behind me (yeah, the distracting one - believe me he was not good looking or anything LOL) was my boyfriend. And then I *think* I kissed his cheek, and I hugged him and he went on his merry way into the convention.

So when I actually "attended" this convention, I think the first thing that happened was Kelly who runs dff came up to me with like a whole bunch of groupies. I called out to her and introduced myself by nick, and then she was filling me in on the other girls who were also from dff (apparently. I wouldn't know them from a bar of soap. Also makes me wonder why my 3 buds were elsewhere if I hadn't known about Drew, only that he popped up there unexpectedly, and seems everyone but the musketeers knew about it :S ) So I broke away from that crowd rather quickly, went into the convention with someone, passing by James Marsters who looked like a wrecked version of Billy Idol sitting in his little alcove in the wall with a few people and smoking to which I commented something about him being back on the drugs or something :S And then I went further in, and I saw Anthony Stewart Head seated at a long table with erm... could have been Nicholas Brendan (I think possibly I saw Amber Benson sitting somewhere to), but when I actually went over to Nicholas Brendan who was currently signing an autograph for one of my other little buds at dff (I do believe, apparently she was in love with him) the table was round. :S And I wanted to talk to him, so (having lost my companion somewhere) I seemed to just butt my way in there and ask for a hug, which he stood up and gave me although it was like we were hugging over an imaginary table, so I had to pull him in a bit (didn't have that prob with Drew (a) ) and then since I had my arm still around him I asked for a photo with him and got yelled at cause there was no photo taking whatsoever, and they pointed out a little green sign that was over a doorway that read exactly that, so I left rambling on about what a blonde I was, and as I was leaving I looked back and saw Drew sitting on a seat talking to someone (of the female variety, could have been Kelly) and I remember thinking what would happen if people were trying to take pics of Drew (being as he was only attending, not a guest of the convention) and whether they snuck them on their mobile phones. After that I found myself traveling to a grocery store (Woolworths I believe) to meet up with my other 3 musketeers and then I filled them in about Drew.

Hmm so bringing a thought about today - I was actually very bouncy this afternoon. I went to the bank and decided not to shy away form Michael today, I was being nicely sociable. And he asked me if I could remember what I had done last weekend yet, which I told him I'd already told him, but he didn't think it took two days to drive around my mother so I said to him nice & coyly "You don't want to know about my secret activities" to which some thought struck him, he almost blushed and had to look away, shaking his head slightly as he grinned. I thought it was great I'd actually got the better of him for a change. I know my life may not be as invigorating as Bianca's (I can pretend (a) ) but hey I love being able to write it for her and give her everything I don't have. I'm so glad I don't have to tear her down anymore in my fic, I really am, listening to Within Temptation for the majority of the week and other various-like songs that totally applied to what I've already written, I'm glad I'm past that part now.

So that's enough ramble *rolls eyes* Suppose I should go find something else to do for like half an hour before Haunted comes on.

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