Julie (decadentdream) wrote,

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It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time

You know it's always strange when something that is good for you can be bad for someone else. I would think there should be a universal truth that if there is goodness, then it is good for everybody. And like my subject line says, it's hard to want the best for yourself and then nothing to change at the same time.

I spent a lot of time this morning going over various aspects of my life. And I suppose what triggered it all in my messed up mind was the fact I got a review for my fic this morning from a long absent fan. It's the only non-musketeer fan I have (*-) unless it's one in hiding *snigger*) for my Bianca fic, and just as Melly had I was congratulated on the Wyatt thing again. Of course I was happy, I love hearing about how much people love my writing, how much I get something right, how much its intrigued them that they get curious about the little clues I've dropped. It makes what I do feel worthwhile. But then for some stupid reason I turned it round upon myself and started thinking I was taking Wyatt away from Mel, which I didn't want to do. As I've said to her many times, she is Wyatt, she owns the Wyatt character, she's the one who's crafted him so much that I've learnt even more about him, and I've used that to help build on my own interpretation. I'm happy just covering Bianca. But all this thoughtage made me feel like giving up on my fic. And at the same time I want to finish it. Mostly cause of the impending doom kind of thoughts, means I haven't got much time left at all, but that's what I mean a part of me doesn't want to finish it either because I really don't know what I'm going to do once I'm done. There's no failsafe plan here - there's just me, and right now, and I'm just taking things as they are at the time and seeing how they go.

Now things I am happy about - Marisol Nichol's website is finally up! *yay* I swear I have been thinking since the moment Mel texted me and I looked at the beautiful layout that I should be sending a "thank u! thank u! I love u! U rock!" email to the website designer LOL He did such a marvelous job, and Mari looks so pretty :D And I have stuff in common with her which was just a little bizarre... nevertheless I have actually thought of questions for her too - just up to my bravery and lethargy whether I post them. Mel snagged the piccies and sent them over to me, and I've used 2 of them for new pictures in the Wy/B LJ. Well not yet I haven't... one I've called my Winter Phoenix pic so I'll use that when we change seasons, and the other one is just a summer casual one (can I say I'm obsessed with Mari in green *snicker* which is great cause she loves the colour ;) ) so I'll use it whenever I give the girl a day off (a). I work her hard *nods* No wonder she collapsed *whistles* Anyway, did I mention Mari was prettiful? (a)

Okay so dinner calls. El's told me to put the icon challenge on hold until I'm actually a certified iconer. *snigger* I spend too much time non-photoshopping (mainly cause I suck at it). *waves*

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