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Welcome to the deep, dark & crazy world that is my imagination
This may get a little scary - u have been warned. Turn back now! 
17th-Feb-2005 08:31 pm
Grave Lying
Alright before I get into the nitty gritty, I'm going to put up a few quiz results. Then get utterly distracted by Lost. :P So hold on tight guys, here we go ;)

HASH(0x8b081d0)
You're Brigitte Bardot!


What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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Ah, blonde sex kitten, I wish! hehe. Considering I did used to run around in a striped top when I was about 9 and pretend I was French. :S


adorabable
You hate not to love but you hate to fall in love.
You can't help but sigh when you see two people
kiss in the park and all. You don't like to go
over board and believe in a small steady
relationship at first so that it can grow. You
also like to think that you can have that kiss
that puts you into a portal and you can't get
back until he/she stops.


How much do you love? GOOD PICS
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Um... *blush* okay perhaps if you guys have read my work, u might have figured that one out ;) It's amazing how many consistencies come up in my quizzes. Everything seems to have a dreamlike quality with me.



You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)


What's YOUR Writing Style?
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LOL well I read horror books - does this really surprise anyone? And, yes, create a scene, or "drama" as I call it. I seem to be coinging that phrase rather a lot lately. Anything for good "drama".


Outcast
You are an.. OUTCAST! Nobody hates you, you just
hate them. Or vice versa. You really don't like
being around people, being by yourself is much
better company. You are not accepted by the
norm and are deemed "weird" or
"freaky". You appreciate things that
others don't, and you dwell in your
indifference.


The Subculture Label Quiz
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What do u get when u take one outcast, and put them together with two other outcasts? Now considering I know 3 of us scored this result now, I doubt we hate people or being alone. Maybe we are just brothers in arms - too much in common to be apart ;)


Raining Brilliance
The Rainning Brilliance
you seem so depressed, on a happier note, you are
fixable. see how beautiful you are? imagine how
much more beautiful you'll be once you put all
of those broken pieces of your heart back
together again. you may think it's hopeless
right now, and i can't gaurantee you'll forget,
and that it will all go away, but you're not
broken for good. smile ^_^


What Aroura Borialis does your soul reflect?
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Aww beautiful. See I am repairable! *happy dance* Well, if u must know, I really am on my way there. I have some fantastic buddies to back me now - have I mentioned that sense of elation? I'm sure I have a thousand times. I can't stop saying how much I love them. They're incredibly important to me. So important that I cannot let them go - I even cried when I couldn't get in contact with them. It really does matter that much to me.



Goth


Which American Subculture Do You Belong To?
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Goth. Fair enough. Mel & I can be Goth together. :D I always thought I was a closet Goth anyway. I just don't parade around in black all the time. ;) (For more on my morbid thoughts, stay tuned for later installments ;) )


Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good things in life, you posses a lot of classical class, and follow that of the original%2
Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century
vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good
things in life, you posses a lot of classical
class, and follow that of the original
vampires, you have no shame in what you are,
infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't
have it any other way. Your wealth is
unspeakable and your way of luring people with
your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and
most people would often call you The
Seductress. Please rate this quiz!


What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be. (New And Improved, With COOL Pics!!!) FOR GIRLS ONLY!!!!
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Ohhh I love that picture. Seductress, hey? Hmm... *thinks about looking for that leather catsuit again* hehe. Now if u truly believed that, I think I would have a better love life. But that's a tempting way to live the afterlife. :D


And now one more, cause we were discussing Power Rangers tonight (and seeing my memory fail - bad thing. But I still remember all about Tommy):

You're the green ranger(Tommy), you're the leader of
the pack, so that makes you cool, real cool.


Which original Mighty Morphin Power Ranger are you?
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Sad I don't get a pic with it :( He was so pervable.

OK so now to the grimness of tonight's update. I'm not going to ramble on about the boringness of work today, nor the walking out of the orthodontist office on the 10th March without my braces on (so I was informed today), but of an event that occured on my way home. I just succeeded in making the 3rd last carriage of a late running train today, which enabled me to get home that little bit earlier (and I left early as well). So I got off the platform at my station and was walking up from the back, watching the people with prams in front of me. I happened to turn my attention across to the people on the other side and see some of them get up. It was then that I spotted someone on the tracks. A guy who had got off my train decided to be really lazy, not walk over the bridge to the other side, but drop down onto the tracks and cross those. The idiot decided only to look the way our train had just come from, mind u standing on the other side of the tracks, paying no attention to the tangara that was pulling in. I was given the best view to now see first hand someone be splattered by a train. I didn't shout out, the moment I even thought of it the train driver blared his horn. I kept walking and watching with some kind of morbid fascination, all the while sadly thinking that I was having a Bianca/Wyatt moment and could use it for my fanfic. You probably think I'm sick, I know, but it's just the crazy morbid madness of my mind. Anyway, the guy finally turned to look when he heard the horn, stepping back onto the other side of the tracks, and then thinking twice and running in FRONT of the train, then hoisting himself up onto the platform as the driver slammed on the brakes. I'm surprised it didn't take his foot off, he was that close to killing himself. I went upstairs and filled in the friendly ticketmaster what had happened, and he asked me if the guy walking down the path in the white shirt was the idiot. I said yes.

Now my friends all know I'm weird and morbid, and try to take it with a light sense of humour, but I don't know if I'm completly delusional about this whole compulsion with death thing. Yeah, okay, this is why I think perhaps I'm a little Goth. I believe in the afterlife, that there is something better on the other side, and death is... how should I put this... a sweet release?? Perhaps I once craved it a little too much, because life at one point was overly unbearable.

I've had brushes with death. There was a moment where I had tried to help a friend, and she almost killed me for it. Literally. I tried to save her from drowning, and she almost drowned the both of us in her panic. Thank god that someone else was in the water with us, or I may not have been around any longer. It's not such a fun thing to be inhaling water instead of air.

Um... so I, I dunno, sometimes I think this whole death thing stems from my grandmother (on my mother's side). We were living at her house when I was 8. We didn't have anywhere else to go. There was a narrow hall out the back that I used to keep leaving a table out in (playing school or whatever, I really don't remember) and she kept kicking her toe on it and yelling at me for it. Anyway, long story short, she ended up in hospital with, well, I think it was cancer or something. But I remember mum telling me that it all started in her toe. And then she had her legs amputated. Eventually she ended up dying from it. My mum stopped taking us to the hospital because my grandmother was completly delusional b4 she died. But this is the thing. Remember this people, when u have kids, and smart ones at that, u should tell them everything that is going on and explain as best you can. Don't lie to your kids. Don't hold back because you're scared of hurting them or scaring them or whatever. You can do much more damage if u do. Cause you see, it hurt me badly. I put two and two together - figured because it all started in the toe then it was my fault, and for many many many years after that I blamed myself for her death. I don't think I ever got over it until probably another 7 years later when I realised that it probably wasn't possible. But I took the fact that she died the day after my birthday, when I had to be dragged out of class where we were having cake, as some kind of sign or something. I even wrote a letter of apology and left it on her grave. I shed many many tears over this through many years, and I think somewhere in the back of my mind I still can't completly believe I didn't have a part in it, that it wasn't my fault at all. I guess it makes u wonder if u deserve to live.

I suppose I'll finish this off here. I mean, if I keep going it's going to upset someone (Whether me or someone else). I never planned on making this long anyway. So have a good night, try not to get too many nightmares. ;)
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