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Welcome to the deep, dark & crazy world that is my imagination
All I know is I'm lost without you 
23rd-Feb-2005 10:06 pm
Grave Lying
Emotional rollercoaster today. Again, the sales manager was being overly friendly. Still haven't worked that one out. But I felt truly wanted again today, I became computer girl onces more and got to instruct people on things. That was great fun.

I wrote half a page of Bianca fic at work. Typed it all up tonight. Haven't done anymore because all my friends were down, and then my mother was, and then inevitably I was. I sometimes hate this empathy thing I have, if I'm near anyone emotional I seem to absorb it and take it on myself. And sure it can be a little hard to handle at times. Again I almost ended up in tears, mostly because I upset Mel even further than she was already upset. Me and my big mouth - stupid morbid predictions I came up with 8 years ago and it still sits in my head like common knowledge. Sometimes I get the feeling I can't wait for the year to be over, but I know deep inside I want this year to drag like hell so I can spend more time with my buds and more time being creative.

I dunno, I just suppress those bad feelings sometimes and then it all just catches up and I get emotional. Maybe I'm just meant to have another crying week. The blow-out with my mother last night had me pretty much crying myself to sleep. And my happy mood today plummeted. I really don't have an explanation for it. The only thing making me feel even the slightest bit better was writing nice things about my buddies on Hi5.com (no, not the kiddie band, it's a network thingie). I really do care about them so deeply and feel so much for them, I'm far too emotional when things concern people I care about so much. And with these guys... it's like holding a vice-like grip on them so I don't lose it altogether. I don't know what to do anymore, it's so hard to please everyone. Everyone has different ideas and opinions and u can't spread yourself thin enough or give enough time to everybody - even to the point I guess where you're neglecting yourself. I just want to do what makes me happy right now, or keeps me in my happy place as I put it, but not everyone wants you to be in that place - some people want to make u just as unhappy as they are.

OKay, I can't even write about this anymore cause I'm making myself cry. So, anyway, I did some quizzes (I feel like I'm playing catchup with the others now!) so here are the results:

wannabe hero
Wannabe Hero

What RPG stereotype are you?
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Ah, just like Zarina, I'm a wannabe hero. Funny, never thought myself as that. Didn't even think I answered that way. But I guess I'm all about the helping people. :D

You're Kyle Valenti.
"Well, you here for a reason, or you just
rushed right over 'cause you sensed I might be
experiencing some actual joy?"

Which Roswell Character is Most Like You?
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Oh wise, philosophical Zen Master. I bow down to thee! hehe. Actually I did start liking Kyle, especially after his whole turning over a new leaf thing after almost dying. Definately changes your perspective on life. And I'm always trying to be a better person. ;)

I am like Merry also known as Meriadoc Brandybuck. I am Pippin best friend. I'm the sensible one and desire to go to war. I may be short but I should not be judged by my height, r
I am like Merry. I'm funny but I know when to be
serious. I'm smart and courageous. "That
was just a detour, a shortcut."

Which of the four main Hobbits are you most like?
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Odder and odder. I actually thought I'd turn up Frodo or Sam. Oh well - so I'm sensible and smart. That figures. And hey I'm not complaining if I get to hang with Pippin all the time :D

you're monica...a perfectionist who's ALWAYS
cleaning. there's no one you love more than
your friends...unless they spill cookie crumbs
on the couch.

which Friends character are you?
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Um... easy answer - blame my mother. I am a perfectionist. I mean, if u look a few updates down, you'll see me complaining about my writing. I'm not overly-clean, but probably by other people's standards I may be. But definatly not as bad as my mother. And, um, yes of course I love my friends more than anything. Haven't I already said that? hehe.

Demi Hero
- Demi-Hero -

What is your RPG Character? - Finished, with pics!
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Sounds about right... said that a few updates ago too. People often get the wrong impression from me ;) Always do everything with the best intentions.

I'm a half-breed!
You're the half-breed / ancient race! Some may see
you as looking a bit awkward on the outside,
what with your furry ears and/or tail or your
scaly dragon wings, but many will probably find
you adorable as well! You tend to be a
cheerful one and rather good at athletics that
have to do with agility and stamina, and often
times you have some sort of special gift that
either allows you to communicate on some level
with wildlife or cast some sort of rare and
powerful spells. Ever helpful, you'll eagerly
leave the home youve always lived at in order
to help your friends on their quest, even if
you dont get approval to do so. You have an
innate desire to see the world and you never
quite seem to lose your cheerfulness for too
long or your childlike innocence, proving to be
quite refreshing to your comrades when things
turn too somber.

What Female Fantasy Archetype Are You? (For girls-->Results are anime pics!)
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haha I know how I got this one. Cause I'm all about the being helpful and I couldn't help but wish for magical powers. :D

So that's enough for now. *hugz* I'm late for bed again.
23rd-Feb-2005 12:44 pm (UTC) - No Strings Attatched
*hugs* First off you weren't to know what you said was going to effect me the way it did. But in all seriousness, if need be I will kidnap you to ensure it doesn't happen, and let you run free in your happy place, creating to your hearts content. I wish that I could do that for you, let you live your life to the exact letter as to how you would like to. So that said, I'll leave a little Melly-ism that probably isn't going to go down well (if not sorry - kick my butt later).

When trying to please others, you lie to yourself. When depriving yourself of something, your depriving the world of the true you. The real you is the one we love, not the mask you wear when trying to please others. Turn loose the mask and show yourself. Don't be afraid to hurt those you love by saying no, don't hurt yourself by saying yes.

Yeah I know I suck, but hey I'm on the whole over thinking path again.
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