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Tell me what u wanna do... 
26th-Feb-2005 11:40 pm
Grave Lying
Um, ok, not quite sure where to start. I think I've been all over the shop today. Not for any specific reason, just gut reaction I think to things that have happened. Had a sudden occurence of remebering what I'd dreamt last night. I actually replayed the whole train incident from a few days ago, but it wasn't the guy this time, it was two girls, and much much closer. Weird thing was I know it played over in my dream about two or three times, and each time I turned my head away instead of watching to see if there was any gruesome details. Don't know if that was making up for my, I dunno, lack of compassion or whatever u want to call it in real life. That whole morbid fascination thing... it actually led me to take a not so friendly test only minutes ago which I'm not posting because, frankly, it sickens me what it said. I don't want to believe it's true of myself, although I know it could be. Kinda like coming face to face with the dark place. I don't wanna go there. So I'm gonna keep living in denial. Or run from it. Or whatever it is I'm doing to avoid it.

So in one of my ramblings in a previous update I was going on about trying to please people. That wasn't specifically to do with that day, on the contrary I was just talking in general. But I had another falling out with Hue on the phone when she called earlier for information I'd already given her. Again she couldn't understand the concept of me being busy until mid-april - the fact that I do have a life outside them. I know we don't do a hell of a lot together, but I did warn them all back in January this was going to happen. The majority of things are to do with my cousin's wedding. But there's also holidays, and Jenny's murder mystery party. There must be a conspiracy with my friends, cause Jenny called as well and left a message on the answering machine for me, but I'm not calling her back till tomorrow. I have a feeling she's gone out with Hue tonight and I'm not stirring up more trouble. It's not worth it. I know Jenny understands, but the others seem to think I'm BSing all the time and I can't handle that. I'm fed up with it all, with the fact that I have to appease their insecurities or whatever. It's not fair on me, and again Hue drove me to tears. I really don't like fighting with my friends, not with anyone I care about. I feel like such a crybaby this week. I know I was strongest yesterday, but I guess that concern for everyone kinda tugs on u after a while.

So the majority of the day I was trying to appease my mother. I did all the washing for her, and the dishes. I chauffered my brother to the hairdressers so he could get his hair done (and it looks so much better than the job the ex-girlfriend gave him). I was actually left with 20 mins to go through Spotlight to find stuff for my costume. I had no time to buy anything (so my mother was annoyed I didn't get the felt for her, although I did go look for it. At least I remembered! *rolls eyes*), only to match up colours which the most I could get in one colour was Emerald, but there was no zip for it *sob* So unhelpful. And I hate the fact they always have perfect, beautiful colours in the lining but not the material. It's very annoying. And the worst thing was they had no customers at the counters, when usually u have to wait hours to be served! *sigh* So now I have to try again tomorrow. I'm getting threatened with getting up early for it. Really I should be in bed now.

I made a little headway with the Bianca fic, although not enough for my liking. I'm thinking this might only be a short, 4 page update the way things are going. Think it's coming up on 3 now, did about a page and a half today. That's a pretty decent amount I think. I think my biggest problem is I've given this part so much less consideration than the others, it's making it a little difficult in that respect. And, um, well I've continued on my research so I have to say that at least I have been doing something. It's given me a few ideas, but again far off. I just need to be a little more patient I think.

So I'm sure I've said enough for a night. *hugz* to my loveable buddies. And here are the quizzlies:

You are Beth.  You like pink and can quote Jay and Silent Bob like no other.
You are Beth. You like pink and can quote Jay and
Silent Bob like no other.


What Name Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Actually, I quite like that name! *grin* And JAy & Silent Bob *snigger* Well can I say that I quote Silent Bob the most? ie. My mouth is always shut ;)


Fuck
Fuck the penguin.


Which Swear Word Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Ah, so, I um get a word I very rarely use?? It could all be true. Ask me in 10 years ;) And hehe I LOVE the last comment. Of course I'm screwed in the head - my psychology test proved me schizo in my first update! ;)


Seahorse
Seahorse


?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??
brought to you by Quizilla

Now, every word of that is true. Especially now (I'm more distant than ever ;) ) And can I say I LOVE Seahorsies?? :D


Secretive
Dark Fairy
You're the dark fairy. Beautiful, sexy and... barly
there. Very few peopel know you exist because
you're so secretive. You live in dark alleys,
but no one ever sees you.


What type of Fairy are you? Girls only! Pics
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh so it wasn't Zarina being stealthy? She really couldn't see me? LOL. Be interesting if that was true ;)


Fair beast
You are a Fair Beast, which includes unicorns and
pegasus, satyrs and fawns. You are pure and
love to help people. You are also fractious and
dislike crowded places where there are many
people.


What magical creature are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Aww. Aww. I've always associated myself with deer. And, again, unicorns & pegasus all over my room ;) Um personality things, also true :D Although I would say definately "dislike" not "hate" crowded places. I can cope :D Just prefer things to be empty so I can roam ;)


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Um, ok, not quite sure where to start. I think I've been all over the shop today. Not for any specific reason, just gut reaction I think to things that have happened. Had a sudden occurence of remebering what I'd dreamt last night. I actually replayed the whole train incident from a few days ago, but it wasn't the guy this time, it was two girls, and much much closer. Weird thing was I know it played over in my dream about two or three times, and each time I turned my head away instead of watching to see if there was any gruesome details. Don't know if that was making up for my, I dunno, lack of compassion or whatever u want to call it in real life. That whole morbid fascination thing... it actually led me to take a not so friendly test only minutes ago which I'm not posting because, frankly, it sickens me what it said. I don't want to believe it's true of myself, although I know it could be. Kinda like coming face to face with the dark place. I don't wanna go there. So I'm gonna keep living in denial. Or run from it. Or whatever it is I'm doing to avoid it.

So in one of my ramblings in a previous update I was going on about trying to please people. That wasn't specifically to do with that day, on the contrary I was just talking in general. But I had another falling out with Hue on the phone when she called earlier for information I'd already given her. Again she couldn't understand the concept of me being busy until mid-april - the fact that I do have a life outside them. I know we don't do a hell of a lot together, but I did warn them all back in January this was going to happen. The majority of things are to do with my cousin's wedding. But there's also holidays, and Jenny's murder mystery party. There must be a conspiracy with my friends, cause Jenny called as well and left a message on the answering machine for me, but I'm not calling her back till tomorrow. I have a feeling she's gone out with Hue tonight and I'm not stirring up more trouble. It's not worth it. I know Jenny understands, but the others seem to think I'm BSing all the time and I can't handle that. I'm fed up with it all, with the fact that I have to appease their insecurities or whatever. It's not fair on me, and again Hue drove me to tears. I really don't like fighting with my friends, not with anyone I care about. I feel like such a crybaby this week. I know I was strongest yesterday, but I guess that concern for everyone kinda tugs on u after a while.

So the majority of the day I was trying to appease my mother. I did all the washing for her, and the dishes. I chauffered my brother to the hairdressers so he could get his hair done (and it looks so much better than the job the ex-girlfriend gave him). I was actually left with 20 mins to go through Spotlight to find stuff for my costume. I had no time to buy anything (so my mother was annoyed I didn't get the felt for her, although I did go look for it. At least I remembered! *rolls eyes*), only to match up colours which the most I could get in one colour was Emerald, but there was no zip for it *sob* So unhelpful. And I hate the fact they always have perfect, beautiful colours in the lining but not the material. It's very annoying. And the worst thing was they had no customers at the counters, when usually u have to wait hours to be served! *sigh* So now I have to try again tomorrow. I'm getting threatened with getting up early for it. Really I should be in bed now.

I made a little headway with the Bianca fic, although not enough for my liking. I'm thinking this might only be a short, 4 page update the way things are going. Think it's coming up on 3 now, did about a page and a half today. That's a pretty decent amount I think. I think my biggest problem is I've given this part so much less consideration than the others, it's making it a little difficult in that respect. And, um, well I've continued on my research so I have to say that at least I have been doing something. It's given me a few ideas, but again far off. I just need to be a little more patient I think.

So I'm sure I've said enough for a night. *hugz* to my loveable buddies. And here are the quizzlies:

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/E/EvePandora/1050729511_name_beth.jpg" border="0" alt="You are Beth. You like pink and can quote Jay and Silent Bob like no other."><br>You are Beth. You like pink and can quote Jay and<br>Silent Bob like no other.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/EvePandora/quizzes/What%20Name%20Should%20You%20Have%3F/"> <font size="-1">What Name Should You Have?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Actually, I quite like that name! *grin* And JAy & Silent Bob *snigger* Well can I say that I quote Silent Bob the most? ie. My mouth is always shut ;)


<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/SleeplessApparition111/1062274930_cturesFuck.GIF" border="0" alt="Fuck"><br>Fuck the penguin.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/SleeplessApparition111/quizzes/Which%20Swear%20Word%20Are%20You%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which Swear Word Are You?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Ah, so, I um get a word I very rarely use?? It could all be true. Ask me in 10 years ;) And hehe I LOVE the last comment. Of course I'm screwed in the head - my psychology test proved me schizo in my first update! ;)


<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/T/truly-dippy/1061308713_pseahorse2.jpg" border="0" alt="Seahorse"><br>Seahorse
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/truly-dippy/quizzes/%3F%3F%20Which%20Creature%20Of%20The%20Sea%20Are%20You%3F%3F/"> <font size="-1">?? Which Creature Of The Sea Are You??</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Now, every word of that is true. Especially now (I'm more distant than ever ;) ) And can I say I LOVE Seahorsies?? :D


<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/D/Dreamer..../1092083658_arkgoddess.jpg" border="0" alt="Secretive"><br>Dark Fairy
You're the dark fairy. Beautiful, sexy and... barly<br>there. Very few peopel know you exist because<br>you're so secretive. You live in dark alleys,<br>but no one ever sees you.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/Dreamer..../quizzes/What%20type%20of%20Fairy%20are%20you%3F%20Girls%20only!%20Pics/"> <font size="-1">What type of Fairy are you? Girls only! Pics</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Oh so it wasn't Zarina being stealthy? She really couldn't see me? LOL. Be interesting if that was true ;)


<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/Y/yoursoulismine/1069041350_fairbeast.jpg" border="0" alt="Fair beast"><br>You are a Fair Beast, which includes unicorns and<br>pegasus, satyrs and fawns. You are pure and<br>love to help people. You are also fractious and<br>dislike crowded places where there are many<br>people.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/yoursoulismine/quizzes/What%20magical%20creature%20are%20you%3F/"> <font size="-1">What magical creature are you?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Aww. Aww. I've always associated myself with deer. And, again, unicorns & pegasus all over my room ;) Um personality things, also true :D Although I would say definately "dislike" not "hate" crowded places. I can cope :D Just prefer things to be empty so I can roam ;)


<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/P/Paradox/1041562529_hooba_pic2.jpg" border="0" alt="Hoobastank"Up and Gone""><br>You are "Up and Gone"
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/Paradox/quizzes/Which%20Hoobastank%20Song%20Are%20You%3F/"> <font size="-1">Which Hoobastank Song Are You?</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

Either I don't know this song, or don't pay attention to it. :S But I thought I'd do a Hoobastank song quiz since I've been Hoobing all day for my Bianca fic (that's her soundtrack ;) )

I think that's enough from me. :D Hope you're all having a good day. *wave* Perhaps I should consider bed... nah! hehe. I'm sure it's not far off :D
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