Julie (decadentdream) wrote,

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I have to stop running away

Escapism. You think it has all the answers. Sometimes it really doesn't. I did something stupid tonight, I ran off because I was feeling bad, useless and unwanted. And as typical Saggieness does, it doesn't take long to pass. I came back ten minutes later apologising and vowing never to go again. I don't want to be the kind of person that keeps running away from their problems. I know I'm steadfast until I can't handle it anymore - I only ever ran off on my parents once after an arguement and disappeared to my friends house around the corner for a while. I guess I probably would still do that if we hadn't moved. But I just feel stuck, if things get to the point where I feel absolutely helpless I know I'm going to break down. That's weakness. You would think I would have learned over the past few months that it is okay, that things are better, and I don't know why I suddenly reverted to how it used to be. I think that's why I came back to apologise because I don't want to go back to that, I don't want to ever let badness see the light of day again. I could really kick myself right now.

But onto more pleasant things, we have a new game going around thanks to turtle so here goes:

Interview me

1. Leave me a comment in my lj saying 'Interview me'
2. I will respond by asking you five questions
3. You will update your lj with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

helplessly_hope asked:
001. If you can name one thing, what of Bianca's qualities, characteristics, physical appearances or something else from hers (except for Wyatt :p) is to you the most attractive part of her?
Her strength of character. If anything, writing for her has made me stronger in mind and spirit. She’s someone who has seen the worst of it and still come out okay – always retaining that sense of hope. She’s intelligent, she’s pretty, she’s skilful – there are so many things to admire, and so many parallels I’ve drawn between her life and mine that everything in both personality and history has blended and there’s a lot of me in how I play her now and what’s contained in my fic. I am really thankful for that day that Belen convinced me to play her, she’s someone I’m never going to forget now and never let go.

002. Ben Jelen or Ryan Cabrera and why?
Ryan Cabrera, hands down. Although I like Ben, he doesn’t get me hooked like Ryan. I love his quality of voice, he has some fantastic songs, and hey he worked with John Rzeznik from Goo Goo Dolls (my all-time favourite live band, if not band entirely) – how can you get any better than that? He seems to have a fantastically friendly personality too, and he’s the only other one I know of that gets interactive with his fans like Drewbie. That’s really sweet, and really important for fans to feel that connection. Plus we’ve appointed him the new Justin from LMS *nods* So he’s definitely one of my all-time favourite male singers now.

003. If you could bring one horror movie to a deserted island which would should it be and with what reason?
Pet Semetary. Probably my first, definitely one of my favourites, and it’s one I thoroughly enjoy that doesn’t scare me into sleepless nights. Plus I love little Gage, he’s so cute. *squishy hugz* I think I could watch that one again and again without getting bored with it. And what’s a DVD player doing on a deserted island anyway? Where does it plug in? hehe.

004. What's the best thing that happened thus far in Lost?
Well I absolutely adore Locke, so can I say the fact that the plane crash made him able to walk again? I thought that was a brilliant and touching story. And I guess second to that would be Charlie dying – always love a bit of drama.

005. Why do you talk to me on msn ever day?
It’s everyday? Are you sure? Hehe. Um well you’re a fun girl, and you come up with some crazy ideas and can always make me laugh. I love your sense of humour and creativity. Brilliant.

romancebuff asked:
1. What's your favorite horror movie?
Possibly it would be Pet Semetary. But I absolutely love the Nightmare On Elm Street series so it could just as well be that.

2. If you could be any famous person in history, who would you be and why?
Myself. Haha. I really don’t know. Maybe Shakespeare so I could write all the time and see my works in action on the stage, entertaining the queen. That could be fun.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
I don’t think I’ve travelled to enough places to determine where to live. There are so many places I want to visit, and the ones that I have I usually never want to leave. There’s only the odd few I find awful and am never going back to, but most I visit time and time again. Every city has its pros and cons though, I don’t think I could pick one place I’d be truly happy in.

4. Who's your favorite author?
Stephen King & Melanie Porth (although I don’t think she counts if you mean someone who’s widely known)

5. What's your biggest dream/ambition?
Since I was little I wanted to be an author, but my mother always told me it was unrealistic. I don’t think I’m as ambitious as I used to be about pursuing it, I know I have a tendency to start things really excited and then not finish them cause I get bored and have another completely different exciting idea. What I’m working on at the moment is in effect trying to train myself to actually finishing something, and I’m putting my heart and soul into the fic I’m writing now.

ellehwho asked:
001 If you could be Marisol for one day what would you go and do?
Find Wes and get married. Hehe. Oh, you wanted me to be realistic right? Well I really don’t know her well enough, but it might just be nice to live a day of her life and see what it’s like to be someone else for a change. I just hope that if I get switched with Mari I retain her acting abilities cause apparently I’m really bad at it. Haha.

002 What's your favorite food
Chocolate? Does that qualify? Okay I think it’s possibly a tossup between frankfurts and potatoes.

003 what are you going to do when you meet Melly for the first time?
Shh! That’s a secret! Hehe. Well first thing I plan on doing is giving her a big hug, and then I’m going to help her get her stuff and take her home and she’s never going to leave *evil laugh*

004 What are you going to do when you meet me and Zarina for the first time?
Um, apparently speak Dutch. LOL. And you know by the time you guys get here I will probably have forgotten it, so you can look at me blankly and laugh and make me feel all embarrassed about it.

005 Drew, Wes or some cute Australian guy? :P
Oh mean mean mean!!! Am I going to get shot if I choose Wes over Drew? Hey, at least the guy is older than me. Hehe. Cute Australian guy, well… I don’t know, how cute? Does he have a good personality? Am I going to be able to get along with him? You know my mystery guy, don’t you! Admit it!

leoalekslib asked:
1. Drew, Wes or Marisol?
Mari *blush* Dude you can’t make me choose, that’s just mean. I’m sticking with Mari for tonight, then tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

2. What do you wanna do with Mel, ellen and Zarina when they come visit?
Nothing. I’m gonna sit back and let them be bored. *evil laugh* No, seriously, I hope to get to know them better whilst taking in the sights and sounds of Sydney and the greater west (ie. Where I live).

3. How's your relationship with Russ?
At the moment, good. It is always generally good. I’m so blessed to have been given a sibling I get along with quite well.

4. What event changed your life the most?
Oh, tsk tsk. Bad question, dredging up evil memories you naughty boy. There’s been a few, but the one I guess that was the most drastically life altering was when my biology class bombed in the HSC and brought my TER mark down so low I couldn’t get into uni. I was crushed, and I’d lost the paper that enabled me to be able to go to the Uni people and argue for my selection into the journalism course. I had to make drastic decisions and ended up taking a TAFE class in Music Business which has really helped me to understand what that industry is about; and also gave me the kind of life, fun and friends that should have made up my high school years instead of the hardship and badness it was.

5. What do you think of me? *evil smilie*
Annoying little brat. LOL. No really you’re my other little brother, you can be really sweet and helpful sometimes. I like the things that go on in your head, and it’s good you don’t hold back, but sometimes we wanna be shielded from certain things you know that we don’t. You’re a little cutie *hugz*

Okay so after that massive screw-up, now I feel better. :D hehe. Oh fic status - up to 4.5 pages. Definately got to split this chapter. Only prob is it's kind of a running one :S And my brain keeps giving me ideas of what's happening with Wyatt and Chris at the same time which is so not cool cause I'm not writing them until I get to them (it's Bianca's story after all *rolls eyes*) so I'm thinking of, well, at least for one scene I'm gonna do a flashback for one character's point of view, and a monologue ala Latter Days for the other. Should be fun. *fakely enthusiastic cheer* Wow, and it's still before midnight. I must be lazy again tonight. *zooms outta here*

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  • The Gathering - Chapter Twenty-One

    Title: The Gathering Fandom (is so, include details) or Non Fandom?: Non Fandom (ie. Original) Chapter Number: Chapter Twenty-One Word Count:…

  • The Gathering - Chapter Twenty

    Title: The Gathering Fandom (is so, include details) or Non Fandom?: Non Fandom (ie. Original) Chapter Number: Chapter Twenty Word Count: 2,312…

  • The Gathering - Chapter Nineteen

    Title: The Gathering Fandom (is so, include details) or Non Fandom?: Non Fandom (ie. Original) Chapter Number: Nineteen Word Count: 4,844 Words…