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I have to stop running away 
13th-May-2005 10:32 pm
Grave Lying
Escapism. You think it has all the answers. Sometimes it really doesn't. I did something stupid tonight, I ran off because I was feeling bad, useless and unwanted. And as typical Saggieness does, it doesn't take long to pass. I came back ten minutes later apologising and vowing never to go again. I don't want to be the kind of person that keeps running away from their problems. I know I'm steadfast until I can't handle it anymore - I only ever ran off on my parents once after an arguement and disappeared to my friends house around the corner for a while. I guess I probably would still do that if we hadn't moved. But I just feel stuck, if things get to the point where I feel absolutely helpless I know I'm going to break down. That's weakness. You would think I would have learned over the past few months that it is okay, that things are better, and I don't know why I suddenly reverted to how it used to be. I think that's why I came back to apologise because I don't want to go back to that, I don't want to ever let badness see the light of day again. I could really kick myself right now.

But onto more pleasant things, we have a new game going around thanks to turtle so here goes:

Interview me

1. Leave me a comment in my lj saying 'Interview me'
2. I will respond by asking you five questions
3. You will update your lj with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions

helplessly_hope asked:
001. If you can name one thing, what of Bianca's qualities, characteristics, physical appearances or something else from hers (except for Wyatt :p) is to you the most attractive part of her?
Her strength of character. If anything, writing for her has made me stronger in mind and spirit. She’s someone who has seen the worst of it and still come out okay – always retaining that sense of hope. She’s intelligent, she’s pretty, she’s skilful – there are so many things to admire, and so many parallels I’ve drawn between her life and mine that everything in both personality and history has blended and there’s a lot of me in how I play her now and what’s contained in my fic. I am really thankful for that day that Belen convinced me to play her, she’s someone I’m never going to forget now and never let go.

002. Ben Jelen or Ryan Cabrera and why?
Ryan Cabrera, hands down. Although I like Ben, he doesn’t get me hooked like Ryan. I love his quality of voice, he has some fantastic songs, and hey he worked with John Rzeznik from Goo Goo Dolls (my all-time favourite live band, if not band entirely) – how can you get any better than that? He seems to have a fantastically friendly personality too, and he’s the only other one I know of that gets interactive with his fans like Drewbie. That’s really sweet, and really important for fans to feel that connection. Plus we’ve appointed him the new Justin from LMS *nods* So he’s definitely one of my all-time favourite male singers now.

003. If you could bring one horror movie to a deserted island which would should it be and with what reason?
Pet Semetary. Probably my first, definitely one of my favourites, and it’s one I thoroughly enjoy that doesn’t scare me into sleepless nights. Plus I love little Gage, he’s so cute. *squishy hugz* I think I could watch that one again and again without getting bored with it. And what’s a DVD player doing on a deserted island anyway? Where does it plug in? hehe.

004. What's the best thing that happened thus far in Lost?
Well I absolutely adore Locke, so can I say the fact that the plane crash made him able to walk again? I thought that was a brilliant and touching story. And I guess second to that would be Charlie dying – always love a bit of drama.

005. Why do you talk to me on msn ever day?
It’s everyday? Are you sure? Hehe. Um well you’re a fun girl, and you come up with some crazy ideas and can always make me laugh. I love your sense of humour and creativity. Brilliant.

romancebuff asked:
1. What's your favorite horror movie?
Possibly it would be Pet Semetary. But I absolutely love the Nightmare On Elm Street series so it could just as well be that.

2. If you could be any famous person in history, who would you be and why?
Myself. Haha. I really don’t know. Maybe Shakespeare so I could write all the time and see my works in action on the stage, entertaining the queen. That could be fun.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live and why?
I don’t think I’ve travelled to enough places to determine where to live. There are so many places I want to visit, and the ones that I have I usually never want to leave. There’s only the odd few I find awful and am never going back to, but most I visit time and time again. Every city has its pros and cons though, I don’t think I could pick one place I’d be truly happy in.

4. Who's your favorite author?
Stephen King & Melanie Porth (although I don’t think she counts if you mean someone who’s widely known)

5. What's your biggest dream/ambition?
Since I was little I wanted to be an author, but my mother always told me it was unrealistic. I don’t think I’m as ambitious as I used to be about pursuing it, I know I have a tendency to start things really excited and then not finish them cause I get bored and have another completely different exciting idea. What I’m working on at the moment is in effect trying to train myself to actually finishing something, and I’m putting my heart and soul into the fic I’m writing now.

ellehwho asked:
001 If you could be Marisol for one day what would you go and do?
Find Wes and get married. Hehe. Oh, you wanted me to be realistic right? Well I really don’t know her well enough, but it might just be nice to live a day of her life and see what it’s like to be someone else for a change. I just hope that if I get switched with Mari I retain her acting abilities cause apparently I’m really bad at it. Haha.

002 What's your favorite food
Chocolate? Does that qualify? Okay I think it’s possibly a tossup between frankfurts and potatoes.

003 what are you going to do when you meet Melly for the first time?
Shh! That’s a secret! Hehe. Well first thing I plan on doing is giving her a big hug, and then I’m going to help her get her stuff and take her home and she’s never going to leave *evil laugh*

004 What are you going to do when you meet me and Zarina for the first time?
Um, apparently speak Dutch. LOL. And you know by the time you guys get here I will probably have forgotten it, so you can look at me blankly and laugh and make me feel all embarrassed about it.

005 Drew, Wes or some cute Australian guy? :P
Oh mean mean mean!!! Am I going to get shot if I choose Wes over Drew? Hey, at least the guy is older than me. Hehe. Cute Australian guy, well… I don’t know, how cute? Does he have a good personality? Am I going to be able to get along with him? You know my mystery guy, don’t you! Admit it!

leoalekslib asked:
1. Drew, Wes or Marisol?
Mari *blush* Dude you can’t make me choose, that’s just mean. I’m sticking with Mari for tonight, then tomorrow I’ll change my mind.

2. What do you wanna do with Mel, ellen and Zarina when they come visit?
Nothing. I’m gonna sit back and let them be bored. *evil laugh* No, seriously, I hope to get to know them better whilst taking in the sights and sounds of Sydney and the greater west (ie. Where I live).

3. How's your relationship with Russ?
At the moment, good. It is always generally good. I’m so blessed to have been given a sibling I get along with quite well.

4. What event changed your life the most?
Oh, tsk tsk. Bad question, dredging up evil memories you naughty boy. There’s been a few, but the one I guess that was the most drastically life altering was when my biology class bombed in the HSC and brought my TER mark down so low I couldn’t get into uni. I was crushed, and I’d lost the paper that enabled me to be able to go to the Uni people and argue for my selection into the journalism course. I had to make drastic decisions and ended up taking a TAFE class in Music Business which has really helped me to understand what that industry is about; and also gave me the kind of life, fun and friends that should have made up my high school years instead of the hardship and badness it was.

5. What do you think of me? *evil smilie*
Annoying little brat. LOL. No really you’re my other little brother, you can be really sweet and helpful sometimes. I like the things that go on in your head, and it’s good you don’t hold back, but sometimes we wanna be shielded from certain things you know that we don’t. You’re a little cutie *hugz*

Okay so after that massive screw-up, now I feel better. :D hehe. Oh fic status - up to 4.5 pages. Definately got to split this chapter. Only prob is it's kind of a running one :S And my brain keeps giving me ideas of what's happening with Wyatt and Chris at the same time which is so not cool cause I'm not writing them until I get to them (it's Bianca's story after all *rolls eyes*) so I'm thinking of, well, at least for one scene I'm gonna do a flashback for one character's point of view, and a monologue ala Latter Days for the other. Should be fun. *fakely enthusiastic cheer* Wow, and it's still before midnight. I must be lazy again tonight. *zooms outta here*
13th-May-2005 01:08 pm (UTC) - tralalalla
Interview me! :P
13th-May-2005 01:21 pm (UTC) - Re: tralalalla
01. Chris, Wyatt, Tal or Sander?
02. If you were a character from a TV show, who would you be, and which program?
03. If you were given one magical power, which would it be and why?
04. If you could have one day to do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, what would you do?
05. What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed today?
13th-May-2005 01:46 pm (UTC) - Re: tralalalla
01. Can I make a mix out of them? :P I have to say Sander actually (A)
02. Chris from Charmed ofcourse. Ok I know he's a guy but who cares. I love that dude and we are so much a like ;)
03. orbing, I would orb all over the world to meet my dudes and have a good time.
04. travel the world and meet Drew, Wes and a bunch of other hot guys on my list but first I would pick up my dudes to do that with me ;)
05. my first impression? *shock* I can't remember :$ but I do think you're my twin and that you're one terrific dude :D
13th-May-2005 01:09 pm (UTC)
Interview me please (A)
13th-May-2005 01:25 pm (UTC)

01. What words of advice/wisdom would you give your younger siblings for when they reach your age?
02. What made you choose journalism for a career?
03. Where do you draw inspiration from in your writing?
04. If you could have one day to do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, what would you do?
05. What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed today?

13th-May-2005 01:59 pm (UTC)
Answers are here
13th-May-2005 01:12 pm (UTC)
Pwease boo - Interview me :( I didn't mean to be bad. (explanation/rant in my lj :$)
13th-May-2005 01:34 pm (UTC)

01. What would the lineup for your ideal concert be?
02. If you found a genie one day who granted you three wishes, what would they be?
03. Where do you draw inspiration from in your writing?
04. If you were writing a script for a TV show/movie – what genre would it be, what would be the integral part of the story, and who would you cast in the main roles?
05. What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed today?

13th-May-2005 03:27 pm (UTC)
01. I guess it'd be a damn long concert. :( Um Aaliyah, Christina Aguilera (she rocked live so I'd want her to be there), Daniel Bedingfield, Ben Fold's Five/Ben Folds, Michael Bolton, David Bowie, Michelle Branch, Jeff Buckley, The Calling, Kelly Clarkson, Coldplay, Evanescence, Josh Groban, Hanson (:$ Hush), Hoobastank, KISS, Sarah McLachlan, LIFEHOUSE, Linkin Park, John Mayer, Maroon 5, Damien Rice, Rooney, Seether, Simply Red, Switchfoot, Tegan and Sara, Three Days Grace, U2, Vertical Horizon, Rufus Wainwright.

I know it's a lot but they've all made me cry, make me think, they're amazing in my eyes because they all have fabulous songs and the way they sing them/play them or whatever it's just awe inspiring. (and I'd put Transcendenz on the list but I don't fancy my chances of seeing them live *pouts* even though the songs all rocks). :(

02. *blinks at the question* Erm, three wishes? *thinks* I could be Miss World wannabe and say World Peace - but I'm going to be completely self serving and unoriginal.

First off - a house, but not like some gigantic mansion I couldn't keep up. My dream house a 3/4 bedroom English style cottage complete with an overflowing garden of all my favourite flowers and the inside all done to my dream specifications.

Secondly - Enough cash to travel comfortably with. Ie: not in my pocket but to go to all the places I want to go to and not have to worry about only being able to stay for a few days/weeks apposed to a few months/years if I wanted.

and Thirdly - I don't really have a third wish. I guess I could go all teeny bopper and say "I'd wish to meet Drew Fuller/Wes Ramsey and blah, blah, blah" but that's not really my kinda thing. :(

03. Um, music? You? All you guys? I dunno, RP’ing is good 'cause I generally go with the first thing on my mind, so it's like a domino effect and it all just pours out. With my fic and that it's generally whatever pops out and says yo! write me, write me now. It's a day to day thing really, I don't really read other fics because I don't want to be tempted to use others idea's and I can't say I get inspiration from TV due to most of it being uninspiring. It's just there or it's not, sometimes it just takes forever and a day to get there, other days it's just pages and pages at a time. (did I even answer the question? ^o))

04. My god make the question any harder? Um, drama/comedy/action/suspense/thriller :( too hard, most probably drama/comedy I'm not too good at action/suspense/thriller. Integral part of the storyline? *thinks* Family, the relationships between the characters, the inner goings on. I wouldn't want perfect characters, no one's perfect, so I'd want it to be able to show/reflect their flaws and the conflict that brings, and the general acceptance that would hopefully be a party to them by the end of it. (make sense? I'm typing what I'm thinking so it's not crystal clear). Ideally, depending on how many leads there were - [Female] Susan Sarandon, Ashley Judd, Erika Christensen, Sandra Bullock, Holly Marie Combs, Marisol Nichols (If I was forced to choose between Erika and Marisol, I think Marisol would win due to the fact that she relays so much emotion through her eyes). [Male] Jonathan Jackson, Colin Firth, David Wenham, Jason Isaac and for purely unadulterated selfish reasons Wes Ramsey (given he's a really good actor who hasn't done nearly enough work) and Drew Fuller (see Wes's little ()).

05. First impression - honestly I'm trying to remember exactly what it was. I think it was along the lines of (after reading a post on DFF if that counts) that you sounded so smart, sweet and sincere. As for first impressions via MSN - I honestly can not for the life of me remember. :$ Um, I know that not long after the officialness of meeting you I was thinking how great you seemed. The sweet and smart came up again. And now, I still think your sweet and smart and about everything else in the world. I love you to itty bitty pieces which is a weird thing for me. And I can only thank whoever it was that decided to put Drew in Charmed, Kelly for making DFF and the wonderful people at Microsoft for bringing you into my life (no matter how boring it is ;)) *hugs*
13th-May-2005 02:51 pm (UTC)
tralalala Interview me :)
14th-May-2005 12:47 pm (UTC)
01. What's the first thing you want to do when you leave home?
02. If you were a character from a TV show, who would you be, and which program?
03. If you were given one magical power, which would it be and why?
04. If you could have one day to do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, what would you do?
05. What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed today?
16th-May-2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
1. Might sound weird, but... PARTY, get really drunk and go home without any fear of my parents catching me.
2. which program :S Well as Character I would love to be Wyatt I think. I don't know why. It is just the first person coming to mind. Maybe becaause he has "Power".
3. Blinking. A: It looks SO cool. And B: I could run away to a party and i could be back in a flash without my parents noticing.
4. OMG... What a q! I would run off to Australia :$
5. Well, you were the last musketeer I met and I actually thought you were pretty sweet and thoughtful. And actually, that impression hasn't changed a bit.
14th-May-2005 09:33 pm (UTC) - Me too, me too!
*jumps up and down* interview me! Oh, pick me!
21st-May-2005 04:25 pm (UTC) - Re: Me too, me too!
01. Where do you draw inspiration from in your writing?
02. If you were a character from a TV show, who would you be, and which program?
03. If you were given one magical power, which would it be and why?
04. If you could have one day to do whatever you wanted, regardless of money or time, what would you do?
05. What was your first impression of me, and how has it changed today?
21st-May-2005 11:10 pm (UTC) - Re: Me too, me too!
1. Lots of things! Actually, I draw a lot of it from you guys, it's so great to play RPG's with you and hang out with such a creative bunch! I guess the rest comes from movies, tv, just stuff that happens in my life.
2. Paige from Charmed! I just love her, she's so cool and she cares about people so much! She picks the coolest guys too!(Richard, Kyle)
3. This is a hard question! I'd say either orbing or flying, because I'd love to get to places faster, and I've always wanted to fly in the air!
4. I'd travel around the world, visiting all my friends and go to California just for fun!
5. I remember we were chatting in the dff thread about if Drew was president and who would have what job. I thought you were a very funny person and I also remember us talking about movies that Drew should be in and how nice and friendly you were. I have to say I like you even more the more I get to know you, and you are the first one of the group that I really shared my feelings with, and I know you won't make fun of me and you understand!
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